ORIGINALLY POSTED: March 8, 2011
Hello, my name is Megan, and I'm a blog stalker."
Alright, let's get started.....
It's a problem, I know. I could spend hours a day reading blogs online. There are just so many GREAT bloggers out there [naturally, most of them are women =) ]. I love reading about other people's lives, especially those in ministry. I can relate to these women, gain wisdom from them, and of course, laugh at their lives without them knowing =) But, as much as I like these blogs, I've found that reading them has had a definite effect on my own blogging.
I have actually had a lot of fun blogging lateley about silly things; Smoker's lung & basketball, Bubble baths, my little sister etc. I've become more consistent, and I really enjoy the writing aspect of putting my thoughts down on, well, screen.
But, as much as I have enjoyed blogging, and blog stalking, I find myself trapped in this ever familiar struggle. Again.
I'm guilty of it so much more than I would like to admit. Fighting it takes a second-by-second focus. Thoughts run through my head about my ineptness or inadequacy compared to all these other women with unbelievable blogging talent. It stops me from writing about my heart, opinions, and passions. It stops me from writing seriously, because I only see myself falling short.
And don't let me fool you into thinking that this stops in the blog realm of my life. This ugliness of comparison has shown it's face in nearly every single area of my life:
Appearance. I believe the lie that other women are made so much more beautifully than myself. Comparing my body to other women I see is so second nature that I hardly recognize it anymore. My mind runs away with itself leaving me feeling ugly, ashamed of how I look.
Leadership. I don't see the abilities God has given me to size up with other women in ministry. Why would someone want to follow me? How on earth could I impact a girl's life for the gospel? I might as well refer her to someone else, for her own sake; so she can grow and get the best direction.
There are so many other realms of my life that I struggle comparing and measuring up to others. So often I think that if I tell anyone about this, I'll be looked at differently, judged, not trusted. So I hide. I hide in my struggle and keep my emotions in the dark, in the dark where the lies grow stronger.
A good friend reminded me recently that it's so hard to make progress or believe the truth over the lies when you aren't telling anyone about it. In all this, the Lord has been so gracious to me in putting women in my life who continue to speak truth to me, and remind me of who the Lord says I am. I am sooooooo thankful for these women, and continue to process with them and the Lord daily.
So here's to blogging, and blog stalking, and being content with yourself exactly how the Lord fashioned you before the beginning of the word.
Take a look at my James 5:16 hotties - "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."