The movie itself is pretty funny, but there's one part where Danny's (Adam Sandler) girlfriend Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) is going swimming under this tropical, Hawaiian waterfall. You know the setup...the slow motion taking off of the shirt to reveal the tiny tiny tiny string bikini; the even slower strut to the water just to show off her unbelievably sculpted body; the throwback of her long, blond hair under the waterfall.
As someone who struggles with body image, this scene is not simply a detached image on a television screen: it's painstaking seconds to compare every inch of my body to hers, coveting her chiseled figure and sexually alluring physique.
And then the thoughts that I'm ashamed to even write down flood my mind like an uncontrollable, raging river. Thoughts such as:
*What is Nate thinking about her body?
*Does he wish my body looked like that?
Destructive thoughts leading to an overwhelming sadness and inadequacy.
Then, I looked at Nate, expecting him to be mesmerized by this woman, only to see that he wasn't watching the movie.
He was looking back at me.
My eyes immediately filled with tears, but not before seeing him wink and then hear him simply say, "Hey, I love you."
A phrase I have heard so many times in our relationship, and yet in that moment it was suddenly enriched with such love, passion, intimacy. You see, in that moment, my husband could have chosen to feast his eyes, or let his mind wander on this Victoria Secret model's physique, but instead- he chose MY heart.
He knows my struggle, and he chose to fight with me. He may have said, "I love you", but I heard,
I CHOOSE YOU.
I felt more loved and pursued in that moment than possibly in our entire marriage. My thoughts turned from the temptation to take that downward spiral into self- loathing to, "Dear Lord, what did I do to deserve this man You've given me?"
I'm so thankful and blessed to live life with my husband that chooses me.