Verbs, Verbs, the Magical Fruit

While at Staff Conference in Colorado, I had the opportunity to meet Holly. She gave a seminar, 'How to Write with Flair.' It was spectacularly delightful. #1- I now love and use wayyyyy more often than I should, the word 'flair'. It reminds me of Bedazzled of which I am also a fan. #2- She basically became the person that I equate to the Yoda character of the blogging world, only younger and cuter.

She blogs at Live With Flair. I read her on the daily and you most definitely should too. She wrote a post about a week ago about all things verbs.

Here are some verbs that I would use to describe my life - Do, Perform, Accomplish, Serve, Act, Recruit, Study, Compel, Speak, Compete, Exhaust, Give.

While these are all good things, there are some verbs that I have been missing in my life since, well, as long as the Cleveland Browns have sucked at football, i.e. forever.

Verbs such as: BE, REST, ENJOY, STAY, LISTEN, RELAX, DWELL, RECEIVE, ABIDE.

This last verb penetrated my heart and quickly became the inspiration for my tattoo. As I read through John 15 whereJesus said, 'Abide in me and I in you....  for a part from me you can do nothing.' I fell on my face and desperately cried out for God to keep me in His Spirit, to help me remain in the comfort of who He is, to focus my mind and heart on being with Him instead of working for Him.


It's as if for so long I have been working, slaving over preparing a huge Thanksgiving Supper and not enjoying - sitting and stuffing my face so fast I forget to breathe - all the goodies I prepared (P.S. Does God speak to you in food analogies as much as He does with me?)

I am so glad that my tattoo now serves as that daily reminder. I am not meant to work for God on my own power, but instead to soak up all of who He is and let my actions, my 'work' flow forth out of that.

This is my prayer -

Here's my challenge to you - make sure all your verbs are in order.

Get a Tattoo. Check.

Yes, I've done it. I know what you're thinking -

YOU?!?!

Yes, me.

Here's a little secret. I have always wanted a tattoo, especially in the past year or so.

Another secret that's no so much a secret - I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER. I have been so scared of people disapproving of me, not liking my choice, that I have avoided taking the plunge.

It was at Staff Conference that I felt God bringing to my attention that there are so many other areas of my life that I am paralyzed by my reputation, bending to popular opinion rather than what I know to be right.

This tattoo is my stake in the ground that no longer will I be bound primarily by others' opinions of me. I am beginning today to live freely in Christ - the creator of true freedom.

Here's the passage that inspired my tattoo. Another post to come on that later.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. John 15:1-11  

Today I Shot My Seester...On Purpose

OK, so it was a mini-photoshoot but still =)

She's awesome, and can twirl the heck out of that blue flag on the football field.

Here's my favorite shot:

Look how cute she is, all shiny and sparkly and stuff.

Here's one demonstrating her sweet skills -

She's pretty awesome. And COMPLETELY my opposite.

It has been an amazing blessing to be able to watch her grow into a beautiful woman while we have been living at home.

Better Than Sex

Source

Nate and I were watching Just Go With It on our date night Sunday night.

The movie itself is pretty funny, but there's one part where Danny's (Adam Sandler) girlfriend Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) is going swimming under this tropical, Hawaiian waterfall. You know the setup...the slow motion taking off of the shirt to reveal the tiny tiny tiny string bikini; the even slower strut to the water just to show off her unbelievably sculpted body; the throwback of her long, blond hair under the waterfall.

As someone who struggles with body image, this scene is not simply a detached image on a television screen: it's painstaking seconds to compare every inch of my body to hers, coveting her chiseled figure and sexually alluring physique.

And then the thoughts that I'm ashamed to even write down flood my mind like an uncontrollable, raging river. Thoughts such as:

*What is Nate thinking about her body?

*Does he wish my body looked like that?

Destructive thoughts leading to an overwhelming sadness and inadequacy.

Then, I looked at Nate, expecting him to be mesmerized by this woman, only to see that he wasn't watching the movie.

He was looking back at me. 

My eyes immediately filled with tears, but not before seeing him wink and then hear him simply say, "Hey, I love you." 

A phrase I have heard so many times in our relationship, and yet in that moment it was suddenly enriched with such love, passion, intimacy. You see, in that moment, my husband could have chosen to feast his eyes, or let his mind wander on this Victoria Secret model's physique, but instead- he chose MY heart. 

He knows my struggle, and he chose to fight with me. He may have said, "I love you", but I heard,

 I CHOOSE YOU.

I felt more loved and pursued in that moment than possibly in our entire marriage. My thoughts turned from the temptation to take that downward spiral into self- loathing to, "Dear Lord, what did I do to deserve this man You've given me?"

I'm so thankful and blessed to live life with my husband that chooses me. 

My encounter with Francis Chan.

He slumped to the floor, caught abruptly by his bended knees, and began to weep: sobs so hard his entire body shook. I strained to hear the words through his emotion. Opening my eyes (which I learned in Sunday School you’re never supposed to do during prayer), I saw the auditorium full of people with hands held high- unabated by others’ reactions- crying out to God. Finally I could make out what he was saying....

We were privaleged to have Francis Chan come and speak at our Staff Conference in Colorado. He's the author of Crazy Love, Forgotten God, and his new book, Erasing Hell. He's also basically a world renown speaker. 

You can't be THAT awesome and not have your reputation precede you when you walk into a room of almost 6,000 missionaries. Geeky missionaries at that. Seriously.

So here I am, content to relax in my naiveté at my very first staff conference. I'm like a tiny little staff baby expecting this guy to come, already having prepared some quotable lines and some alliteration-packed points; and speak to us in a way that will challenge us, but also uplift our sacrificial, full-time ministry, awesome lifestyles: patting our spiritual egos on the back so to speak.

THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

My notes suck. There was absolutely no alliteration. My spiritual ego left not stroked, but unexpectedly confronted.

Revelations 3:1 - 'To the church in Sardis...I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead.'

Great start. Just something light and fluffy for the geeky missionaries.

You see, even in aaaalll my 'doing' in ministry, in all my bustle of activity, my focus turns to loving, knowing, serving, pleasing, and being approved my people. 

So in to all this mess comes this Francis person, who chooses not to draw attention to himself- not to be the 'cool Asian speaker'- but instead to hurl the Spirit of God into the auditorium.

The same God I ignored, shluffed off, and avoided was now so fully present that the only natural, logical response was to lift up my hands and worship, but not the worship of Hillsong and Chris Tomlain. This worship was more like crying out to the Lord, admitting that I have been so enslaved by my 'reputation' and by these people's opinion of me that I have limited His Spirit in my life. 

I believed the lie that earthly consequences: rejection, abandonment, judgement, and criticism were worse than the absence of the Holy Spirit in my life. 

Then, more than anything else I wanted, and continue now, daily, to ache for the same thing as Francis Chan - 

Finally I could make out what he was saying....Over and over he repeated,

"God, give ME more of your Spirit!"

Drowning in Pictures - and LOVE - but mostly Pictures.

Nate and I have returned victorious from our Staff Conference. I'm not super sure how you return un-victorious..but the positive sounds extremely cooler.

Here are some things I learned which I'll expound on in later posts...

1. The Rockies are FREAKIN' BEAUTIFUL. God's handiwork displayed like schwoah.

2. Campus Crusade staff people breed like rabbits. 6,000 Staff at this conference and like a gazillion children. They could have held a takeover if they wanted.

3. On a more serious note, NOTHING -no earthly consequence- can be worse than limiting God's Spirit in my life. [Post to come soon]

And here is me sucking you into all things pictures. The best part of these...

I SHOT THEM IN MANUAL!!!

It was my first time and it was a little rough, but I can already see myself taking sooo much more pride in my shots. So, without further ado: 

THE ROCKIES - UNEDITED.

Me and the husband.

I had to...once edited I can make up a story that will COMPLETELY freak
my mom out =) She 's lucky to have me.

Kate Staggs, ladies and gentlemen. She is F.I.N.E.

These are some of my favorites. I could edit for the rest of my life and be content =)

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